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The Top 20  Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers

 
20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.... or '98...or Me.... or 2000... or XP... or Vista.

19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.

 18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.Dog and Macintosh computer

17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.

16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."

15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.

14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.petsmart.com instead of working.

13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.

12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.

11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.

10. Oh, but they WILL… with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.

9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome

8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand…

7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.

6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.

5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!

4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.

3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.

2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers…

1. TrOgO DsA[R,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. *
 

[ This list copyright 1996 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ]
[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com ]

 
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Hobbies: Sniffing, sleeping, and some more sniffing.
Ripping a piece of paper (or tissue, paper towel, wrapping paper) to shreds.
Life Goals: To sniff everything!
To get a good job as a paper shredder at a Fortune 500 company with a retirement plan... and stuff to hide!
Favorite Place: Family room couch. SchoolCenter Picture

Coindre Hall in Huntington See here for a pretty painting! SchoolCenter Picture SchoolCenter Picture

Food: Purina Vetinary Diet OM Weight Management Food
Plus, fish her Papa catches, brown rice, pumpkin and boiled beef.
Weight: 34 pounds.
Age:  8.5 years old! (Was 8 on March 28, 2012)
Hero: Snoopy, of course! "Him" and "Her," President Lyndon B. Johnson's Beagles.
Favorite Toy: Chuck the Flying Squirrel, Tribble, and stuffed Soccerball, Hedgie her stuffed hedgehog toy
Favorite Channel: Channel #57 Animal Planet & Channel #819 Soft Rock Music on Optimum IO Digital Cable
Favorite Treat: Bully Sticks (braided), Dingos, and  Venison Treats
Commands she knows and understands: Say "please," sit, down, roll-over, kisses, spin, up, off, leave-it, let's go, cookie, "punum"
Temperament: Smart.. really clever!
Mostly submissive.
Playful and mischievous
Very affectionate!
Unusually quiet for a Beagle.
Unusually picky eater for a Beagle.
Doesn't bark at too much and only bays (Roo, roo roo!) occasionally!
Favorite Saying Life is Short...Eat Biscuits!
Favorite Book: The Voyage of the Beagle, by Charles Darwin and  Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Health: Has bouts of colitis, but otherwise healthy.
Dislikes: Skateboards, garbage trucks and loud sounds.
Bad Point: Snores!
Eats dryer sheets and then gets sick.
Favorite Song: The Peanuts Song! It is also known as Linus and Lucy...it's playing on this page!

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